Thanksgiving 2010

There were many things I was thankful for before Thanksgiving. Afterward, I find myself thankful for even more.

We were sold out....again. Thanksgiving was on Nanny's turf. Well, part of it. We celebrated at home that evening, but all plans for neutral territory or our own home were null and void. Dad said, "Sure, we'd love to come have lunch with you." And so we did.

There is nothing worse than being obligated to hug someone you don't like. Maybe there is, but it sure doesn't feel like it. And thus began our visit. Lunch was pleasant. Mom and I agreed to make the best of a bad situation and be on our best behavior. Apparently it worked. One of the managers came over to greet our table. Gwen, bless her heart, had no idea who we were.
"Oh, my goodness," she said placing her hands on my mom's shoulders, "You must be Mary Frances. Fran has told us so much about you and your son Ben. Did he come with you? We can hardly wait to meet him...we've heard so much about him. And she's shown us so many pictures, such a handsome young man. You must be so proud of him...Fran talks about him non-stop." Mom placed her knife and fork on her plate (a good thing, too), smiled sweetly and said, "No, I'm Melinda...the daughter-in-law. This is my daughter Abbie...Fran's granddaughter." Poor Gwen. I now understand the term 'pole-axed'. She replied, "Oh, well, yes, um...she talks about you, too....and Amy." Amy??? Suddenly, I felt like a footnote or a Post Script. It's one thing to suspect that someone thinks you are nothing-it's another for the proof to be out there in the open.
Then mom said, "Fran, how would you like to get out? Go for a drive?" I thought, Great, we will open the door and push her out.....YES!!! My dad just looked at my mom like she had lost her mind. And so we went for a drive. For about an hour. And Fran fell asleep. The drive had exhausted her...and so mom's devious plan to not engage in further conversation or visitation worked. So we took her back to the Assisted Living center, set her up for the evening and said our good-byes. As we were leaving, she called my mom back. Dad and I froze in our tracks...ready to snatch her and run if we needed. Fran asked for a hug and held onto mom's hand and said, "I really miss you." Mom just nodded and said, "Thank-you." And we left.

So I find myself thankful for two women in my life: Strangely enough, Nanny...who taught me that being a bitter, old woman comes with a heavy price. And to be good to everyone I can. How frightening to be old, alone and the only person who is still kind to you is the one you've treated the worst.
And my quirky mom, who again, teaches me that being gracious will always leave you with a clear conscience. That doing what is right, even if it aggravates the hell out of you, is better than wanting vengeance or payback.

There's a note on our fridge:
How someone treats you is their karma. How you react is yours.

Understood...lesson learned.